n00b
by BoredNeko
Summary: Poor little Kirikun. From the first day of school, Lady Luck has screwed him over. She's given him her favorite little boy a new toy to play with, and is Sen happy...
1. True Doom

A/N: Yeah… My other fic will be updated soon… Maybe…. But writer's block prevailed, and Jill (who's uber cool) asked for a SenKiri fic, and then it just went on from there. So what if I changed my mind? I'm allowed to! Writers have needs too…

Disclaimer: I do not, and probably never will own Prince of Tennis.

It was period four, and he had no class. Kirihara Akaya stretched and leaned against his locker, closing his eyes. He knew that eventually he'd have to wander down to the library and do his dreaded math homework, but for now, he could relax.

"Are you lost again? Do you need another tour Akaya?" asked a redhead who appeared out of nowhere. Kirihara jumped, and spun around. Sengoku Kiyosumi just smiled.

Flushing, he sheepishly muttered: "Ah, no. I have a free period right now, and I was thinking about-"

"Since you're lost, I think I should teach you which halls are deserted, and which aren't! You get lost so easily." Sengoku was still smiling angelically. It made Kiri break out in a cold sweat.

"Um, no I'm not lost…" he stuttered, feebly attempting to back away. But alas, no such luck. The redhead grabbed his wrist, and began to drag him down some dark, looming hallway.

"Come on, Akaya! There are at least five different deserted classrooms you should know about, and don't even get me started on the closets…"

"Sengoku-sempai, I really have to do my homework!" he cried, desperately struggling to break out of the other's grip. Kiyosumi was slender, but he still managed to have an amazing strong grip, much to his victim's dismay.

"This way first!" The tour guide announced, still smiling his Good Samaritan smile. Make that his Archangel of Heavenly Light smile. His unwilling tourist began to panic.

"I'm not lost! I'm fine! Please Sengoku-sempai, I don't need another tour!" The dark haired boy was desperate to escape.

"You're so cute when you're frustrated!"

"…" Akaya sighed, resigned to his fate. 'How did I managed to get myself into this? ….Oh yeah, know I remember…'

_flashback_

"_And this is Sengoku Kiyosumi! He's a bit of a troublemaker, but a real darling. Sengoku-kun will be the one to show you around, alright?"_

"_Uh… Sure, I guess."_

End flashback 

The little imp could have prevented this nightmare back then, but no… He had to go along with the old lady secretary. "I'm really starting to hate my luck." he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing…"

A/N: Fic written with help from the ever awesome Jill, please do not worry I'm not dead. Thanks for reading, and please review. Happy belated Thanksgiving.


	2. Meeting the Demon Spawn

A/N: Whee! More SenKiri goodness! XD I think I just get this sick kick out of tormenting little Aka-chan.

For those who've been hearing from me regularly: do not worry, still alive….

Disclaimer: Unless the manga-ka just up and dies (which he won't, 'cause he's still young), and he's somehow related to me (which, last time I checked, is not true), than I don't (and never will) own Prince of Tennis.

'Helpful, kind, and considerate aren't words that should be used to describe Sengoku-sempai's friends' Kirihara realized. 'It should be cruel, evil, and all around manipulative.'

As if reading his mind, Niou Masaharu and Saeki Kojirou gave him twin smiles of pure innocence.

Kirihara had met Sengoku's best friends when he was on his way of entering (yet another) empty broom closet. Niou had jumped out of nowhere, scaring the life out of Akaya, while Saeki stood in the doorway, asking if Kirihara was learning how to handle the vacuum. Which sucked quite well, he'd added.

Sengoku only shook his head, and mentioned something about not pushing his patron, Lady Luck. Then, he asked the impish boy if he didn't mind getting shown around by the two newcomers.

Akaya, of course, said he didn't mind. (By this point, ANYTHING was better than closets), and allowed himself to be led off by his new tour guides. But, as he glanced uneasily at the two, and the pitying looks of random passerby's, he realized something. Lady Luck hated him, loved whoever wanted to screw him over, and he would never be able to break level 83 on his OMMRPG. It was worse than dying a virgin.

SenKirSenKiriSenKiri 

"We're going to introduce to a few people. They're the people you should go to for help, or advice. Every single one of them is close to Sengoku in some way, shape, or form.

"…How nice…"

"You'll love them dahling, believe me." Niou drawled, smirking.

"Somehow, I doubt that…" Kiri whimpered, looking for an easy escape route.

"Now, now", cooed Saeki, grabbing hold of him, and thus effectively blocking all chances of escape. "They're all very nice people, eager to meet you…"

"Here comes the first one now!" The Trickster grabbed hold of a passing teen, with dark brown hair, and reflective glasses. "This is my stud-muffin. You can call him Yagyuu."

"…Stud muffin?" Yagyuu asked.

"Isn't it cute 'Roshi?"

"I'm not gonna ask." Akaya mumbled, carefully averting his eyes…only to see his lifetime supply of purple walk by. "Ack! The purple! It buurns…"

Saeki tuned away from Niou subtly molesting Yagyuu, just in time to see Akaya fall to the ground (foaming at the mouth). "I see you've managed to catch a glimpse of our resident diva, and his fashion consultant."

"Why isn't it illegal to wear that much purple?"

Kojirou ignored him. "The one with the sunglasses is Atobe Keigo, and the one in the obnoxious rose patterned shirt is Mizuki Hajime. That rock walking behind them is Kabaji, and the desperate looking guy who they're walking…ah…stalking towards is Fuji Yuuta."

"Um?"

"The smiling person behind Yuuta is his older brother, Syuusuke, and the stern one with the glasses is Tezuka Kunimitsu."

Kirihara noticed that Tezuka had the distinct look of someone who would much rather be somewhere, anywhere else. Like maybe gouging out his eyes with rusty sporks, or putting on a sparkly pink dress so that he could call himself the tooth fairy.

"Syuusuke! Come here for a second!" Saeki called, motioning for the smiling brunette to come over. "I want you to meet Kiyosumi's newest plaything, Kirihara!"

"HIS WHAT?!"

"Sa…Kirihara-kun, how nice to meet you. I've gotten many rants from Sengoku regarding you. I'm sure the two of you will be adorable."

Akaya was too busy hyperventilating to fully regard whatever the elder Fuji was telling him. Saeki's plaything comment was having a hard time getting through.

"Hate to chat and run, but we gotta get Kiri to places!" the two-toned hair boy chirped. "Niou! Time to go! You can see/molest Yagyuu later. We still need to introduce Akaya to the others!"

Masaharu pouted, but allowed his friend to drag him off. "Who are we off to next?"

"Well, Wakato wanted to meet him, and I'm pretty sure Yukimura want to too. Which means you'll get a chance to annoy Sanada, so no complaining. Um… We can grab Dan on our way back, which defaults to Akutsu, and maybe we'll see the twins."

"Psh. You just want an excuse to make-out with Ryou."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Even though Ryou is undeniably smexy, and also conveniently single, with the prettiest long black hair in the world, and lives down the street, why would I want to make-out with him?"

"Um…Am I allowed to go now?" Kirihara asked meekly, wondering when he would finally be able to make his escape, and maybe do something else. Like not being scarred. Yes, Kirihara would greatly enjoy not being scarred.

"No." The other two snapped, before dragging him down the hallway, and away… Completely uncaring about the fact that the impish boy was desperately trying to run.

A/N: This is for SeperatedCow! 'Cause she's so awesome! …And she wrote me a fic! WHICH YOU SHOULD ALL READ AND REVIEW!!!!! …And review my fic too…. Otherwise, I'll be updating slower…. Unless someone else is all: OMFG SENKIRI IS MY OTP!, and then we can all organize into a huge SenKiri fan mob, and create a national SenKiri day. So life is all bettster. XD I just had my mid-terms, I'm allowed to be broken.


	3. Sad Attempt at Fleeing

A/N: Teh whootness! Chapter three, it's better than ever! (Lies) So… My lovely reviewers are awesome, and I hope more of you actually do review. My mind has hit a roadblock, so if this chapter stinks, you can blame standardized tests. They suck out part of you soul!

Disclaimer: Sadly, Prince of Tennis is not mine. If it was, there would be much more SenKiri. Yay SenKiri!

Kirihara whimpered. He'd finally escaped True Evil in the forms of Niou Masaharu and Saeki Kojirou. Now all he had to do, was continue hiding in the eerily large closet he'd slipped into. It was a good closet, a nice closet. It kept him hidden, and safe, and…

Suddenly, footsteps echoed in the abandoned, burned down science hallway.

"Yanno," Akaya heard Niou's slow, drawling voice. "This kinda reminds me of the good ol' days. The days where you were just man whore, Sengoku was just that random redhead, and I was just the Trickster."

"You mean, the days before Yagyuu, and the Forming."

"Exactly! The days when we had to work hard to catch our prey, before we met He Who Was Lucky."

"Is. It's He Who IS Lucky."

"Not when it comes to Kirihara. I mean, that little imp's oblivious. Wouldn't be able to tell flirting apart from a normal hello."

"…Do you think he was home-schooled?"

"SAEKI! Not all home-schooled kids are innocent. Some of them spend all their free time reading and writing fan fiction. Come on, you call those rabid author's innocent?" (A/N: No offense to those who are home-schooled.)

"True dat, true dat…"

"Ah man, the good ol' days…" Niou sighed happily. "It feels like they were just yesterday…"

_flashback_

_A young Niou was pacing around the hall, angrily muttering to himself._

"_It's not like **I'm **a goddamned psychic. I have no idea what the hell he wants; much less what he wants me to do… Stupid Yagyuu Hiroshi and his gentlemanly ways, stupid hormones, stupid school, stupid…"_

"_Yanno, if you should really use some more creative adjectives. Stupid only gets you so far."_

"_HOLY SHIT!" the Trickster jumped. "WHO ARE YOU?!" he yelled, turning to face the random redhead, leaning against the wall._

"_I'm Sengoku Kiyosumi, Niou-kun! But you can call me He Who Is Almighty, All Holy, and All Awesome."_

_Masaharu snorted._

"_Hey, is that how you're going to treat the guy who's going to get you into the Gentleman's pants? 'Cause yanno, I could always revoke my free services. Most people are more excited when it comes to being assisted by Lady Luck's patron."_

_That got his attention. "You can help me?"_

"_Oh, but of course Niou-kun! All that I require in exchange are your…talents." Sengoku's eyes took on a predatory gleam. Like a lion that had spotted his prey, or a yaoi fangirl who just found an extremely well drawn doujinshi._

"…_You're not gonna rape me, are you?" _

_Kiyosumi twitched. "No. Definitely not. Yagyuu would kill me, and you're not my type, anyway." _ (A/N: His type is small, cuddly, and demonic.)

"_I thought Yagyuu hated me."_

"_Pshaw! Nope. He's just not accustomed to the feelings that involve you. Excuse me for saying this, but the guy's a heartless bastard in-training." The redhead nodded sagely. "That's why it's for the best if you two hook up! He'll keep you in control (hopefully), and you can get that stick outta his ass!"_

"…"

"_Great! I'm so glad that you agreed! Now, all we need to do, is drop by, and find another business associate of mine, and we can be off in seducing your Yagyyu!" Sengoku grabbed Niou, and proceeded to drag him down the hall, all the while yelling:"SAEKI-KUN!!! COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!"_

SenKiriSenKiriSen 

_Somewhere, somehow, Saeki Kojirou, who was on the other side of the school, heard Sengoku calling his name, and met him and Niou halfway through their (read: Sengoku's) march to find him. _

"_Sengoku!" he called cheerfully. "How nice to see you again, how are you?" _

_Vaguely, in the back of his mind, Niou wondered how the dual-haired teen managed to say this, all the while dodging the (rather aggressive) advances of a throng of fans._

"_I'm doing great!" Sengoku chirped back. "I've got a job for you, you wanna do it?" he asked, jumping out of the path of a rather ill timed jumping glomp. _

_Saeki stepped to the side. "Depends, what kind of job is it?" The fangirl went flying into the wall behind him._

"_Nothing big," Sengoku answered, absentmindedly tripping a running fan. "Just a matchmaker moment. You up for the challenge?"_

"_Sure!" He turned around and, like an expert quarterback, shoved his way through the large pile of fans. "So, who's the lucky guy?"_

"_How'd you know it was a guy?"_

"_Puh-lease. I've known you, for like, ever." Saeki rolled his eyes. "When has it not been a guy?" _

"…"

"_I shall ignore the utter gay-ness of that sentence in favor of introducing you to the Trickster." Sengoku said finally. "Niou Masaharu, meet our school's resident manwhore, Saeki Kojirou. He hits on anything with two legs!"_

"_Hey! It not only has to have two legs, okay? It's also gotta be reasonably attractive, and single. I don't want any angry boyfriends goin' after me, thanks." The blue-eyed boy objected quickly. "Which brings me to my next point-" he sidled up next to Niou. "So…"_

"_He's after Yagyuu." Sengoku cut in quickly, stopping the flirtatious advances of his friend. "Do you really want the Gentleman after you with his golf clubs?"_

"_Meh… That's fine. There are other fish in the ocean. I've got plenty others to work with." _

"_Whatever," the redhead rolled his eyes. "Here's the plan…"_

_end flashback_

"I never really got to see what happened after it was carried out." Saeki pouted. "All I got to do was dress you up…"

"Yeah, well let's just say that your guess about 'Roshi's kinks were oddly accurate." Niou winked. "If you know what I mean."

Akaya, who had been leaning against the door, entranced with this tidbit of information about his senpai's past suddenly realized something. His elbow was pressing against the handle. He didn't even have time to curse, before he ended up in an ungraceful heap at True Evil's feet.

"Well, well… What do we have here?"

Kiri could only meep.

A/N: I'M DONE!!!!!! XD Happy Chinese New Year, everyone! May good luck and fortune go your way this year. (Don't forget to review…)


	4. Enter Foreboding

A/N: Yay! Chapter 4! It's…more cracked out than ever? Meh… I just hope that the sick sort of enjoyment you all get out of reading this is at least a fraction of what I felt while writing it. Poor Kiri, he'll never be the same…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything worth value so obviously; I don't own Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama. Curse you lack of convenient family ties…

Kirihara slumped down in his seat with a smile. He was finally safe, out of danger, and in class again. Niou, Saeki, and Sengoku were all a full year older than him; he wouldn't see them again until tomorrow. Hopefully. Please gods let him live until tomorrow.

"All right minions- I mean, students!" A young woman stood up in front of the class. "You're here because either a.) you're new here, and didn't get a chance to sign up for an elective, b.) you forgot to choose an elective-which was extremely stupid of you or c.) you were stupid enough to sign up for this. So class, get ready to take…" She paused for dramatic effect. "Literary Interpretations, with me!"

"…" You know those blank empty stares people sometimes give when they think you're being an idiot? That was exactly how the energetic teacher was getting looked at.

She ignored them. "Call me Yuki-sensei! Get ready for a great year of endless torture and blackmail, BECAUSE I AM TEACHER AND I SAY SO. Any questions?" Yuki smiled pleasantly.

"Um…are you going to eat us?" a frightened student in the front asked.

"Pshaw! Of course not! I mean, I have the heart of a child" The class let out a collective sigh of relief. "…In a jar, on my desk."

The poor boy in the front squeaked, and then passed out. His startled neighbor leaned over and started to poke him.

"Any more questions?"

"…" The class was quiet. This was not a teacher to mess with. Yuki-sensei was a psycho.

"Great! Okay kiddies, here's what we're going to be doing: Since I can, I've decided to combine all of you with my other class, and you're all going to be putting on a play! And not just any play, a massive combination of every fairytale in existence!"

"But, what does that have to do with Literary Interpretations?" Asked another student.

"Absolutely nothing!" Their teacher trilled. "I'm just doing it so I can watch you suffer!"

"I knew there was something about her that reminded me of Hajime…" Kirihara turned to look at the teen sitting next to him. He was vaguely recognizable, but the only thing that was really coming to mind was an ungodly amount of purple.

"Hey," Akaya whispered, poking the brunette. "Do I know you?"

He turned slowly, scrutinizing Kiri. "Vaguely. I mean, I'm pretty sure you've talked to my brother, Syuusuke, but that's it." The brunette shifted. "I'm Fuji Yuuta. Nice to meet you."

"Kirihara Akaya."

"I know. The world knows. If Sengoku's interested in someone, he makes sure that everyone else knows not to touch." Yuuta smiled sympathetically. "If you give in now, he won't go to drastic measures."

"Give in to what?" Akaya hissed desperately. "I have no idea what he wants…"

Yuuta looked at him, wide-eyed. "Dude… It's true."

"What's true?"

"You are practically a home-schooled kid…"

"…I don't get it."

The brunette sighed. "It's okay. No one expects a miracle."

"…?" Kirihara blinked. "If you say so."

SenKiriSenKiriSenKiri 

"I can't believe this is happening to me. I mean, out of all the people it could happen to, they just had to choose me."

"It's okay, man." Yuuta patted Akaya's shoulder sympathetically. "Your luck will look up."

"Which is exactly why I feel like a cheap whore right now?" The impish boy twitched, tugging down the skirt he'd been forced into.

"Yeah, basically."

"Fate hates me. And his cross-dressing bitch of a boyfriend Karma just decided that I did something really bad in the past. That must be why I'm stuck in a skirt right now. A very, very, very, very short skirt." (A/N: Very honestly speaking, this is how I imagine life goes. Fate picks someone, bitches to Karma, and then Karma digs up something bad they've done, and MAKES THEM MISERABLE. Yup yup.)

"…Normally, I'd ask, but right now, I'm too busy trying not to laugh in your face..." Yuuta shoved a fist in his mouth. "An' fwawing mwiswabwy a' i'" he added, shoulders shaking. (And failing miserably at it, is what he just said.)

"Shut up you…you…you…Whipped boyfriend!"

"Hey, at least I get some."

"Oh…" Niou walked by, grinning. "Burn…"

Kirihara jumped. "Wh-what are you doing here, Niou-senpaii?" he asked cautiously.

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, Kiri-kun!" Saeki trilled cheerfully, walking by with a longhaired teen in tow.

The boy squirmed, just managing to turn toward Yuuta and Akaya. 'HELP ME!' he mouthed desperately, obviously Not Happy about being dragged by a certain someone.

"Uh…Kojirou?" the brunette asked cautiously. "What are you doing with Ryou?"

"…Didn't your teacher tell you?"

"No. She just kinda shoved Kirihara into a skirt, and then ran away…as fast as humanly possible."

"Oh, well, that's Yuki-sensei in a nutshell. Do you remember the play that she was talking about on the first day? The one with the combing of the classes, and the torture, and the pain?"

"…Yes?"

"Okay. Well, that's what she's decided. Kiri-kun over there is going to be our little Gretel, Ryou-chan is Hansel," here, Ryou squawked indignantly, increasing his attempts to escape, "I'm the Witch, Atobe's the King, Jiroh's the Queen, and…Sengoku is the Wolf!"

"…Huh?"

"And she obviously didn't tell you the story line either! Well, that's okay. What else are senpai's for?" Niou cheered, randomly popping up out of nowhere again. "So, the King and Queen send out their children, Hansel and Gretel, out into the woods to 'seek their fortune'. There, the meet the Witch. They chill there for awhile, completely oblivious to the fact that the only reason the Witch let them stay there is because he wants a piece of Hansel." Ryou whimpered pitifully, tugging uselessly in a futile attempt to flee. "After a rather…interesting night of drinks and games, Hansel and the Witch run away and elope." At this point, the raven-haired boy was so freaked out that he was actually using Saeki as support to keep him standing. Saeki didn't look too upset about it. "Gretel, not wanting to intrude on the newlywed couple's happiness, goes to find another employer. That's when he meets the Wolf, who needs a new maid. Gretel's not too found of the idea, but he agrees. While working for him, Gretel discovers that his boss runs a shady business, stuff happens, and Gretel soon has the Wolf eating out of the palm of his hand. Wrapped around his pinky, if I may say. The ending is basically a 'Happily Ever After' ordeal, Gretel and the Wolf are running a successful mob together, the Witch and Hansel screw everyday, and other random side-characters are All Good!"

The last sentence was too much for poor Ryou. With a quiet moan, he buried his head into Saeki's chest, passing out. A few seconds later, after the summary had finally sunken in, Kirihara followed his example.

"Hey…Whaddya know? They practically are related after all!" Yuuta exclaimed cheerfully, ignoring the fact that Ryou was being groped, and instead, prodding his friend's fallen body.

A/N: Part of this plot is credited to SeparatedCow, whom's brilliant idea of a school play let many messed up ideas roam in my mind… Man, I need a life. Anyway, review! It will make me happy, and a happy BoredNeko updates faster! Oh yeah, before I forget. SenKiri day is officially (in my mind) July 13, because Sengoku ish lucky, and Kiri ish not. Thus, 7-13. Spread the word, spread the love, spread SenKiri until it rules the world!!!!! (Along with all other things that makes fangirls go Squee.)


	5. The Curtains Rise

A/N: After much discussion, a rather large group of fangirls have decided that we're all going to die painful deaths. But isn't it totally worth it? After all, what would life be without yaoi? (And sitting in front of the computer squeeing?)

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Prince of Tennis. Barely own anything, now that you mention it…

"I still want to know why they chose me of all people for this stupid part…" Kisarazu Ryou slouched down in his chair. "It's not like I've done anything to piss off Karma."

"Hey, are you wearing a skirt? I didn't think so. So shut up!" Kirihara Akaya shot back.

The two grumblers were slouched down in chairs, angrily glaring at their teacher. The only woman who DARED force two very grumpy raven-haired boys into a school play. A school play that counted as a class grade. A school play that was, in essence, just an excuse to torment her pretty students. Damn you, Yuki-sensei, damn you!

"Aw, don't be such sourpusses." Saeki cooed, draping an arm around Ryou. "Don't you wanna spend time with me, Ryou-baby?"

His answer was a fist in the face.

"Nice shot…" Akaya congratulated his new friend. "Really, that was one of the best sucker-punches I've ever seen."

"Thanks." The other boy grinned. "I was afraid that I was getting rusty, I haven't had to do it for a while now. Saeki was getting so good…" He sighed, looking down at the writhing teen.

"I'm going to ignore how many ways I can misinterpret that sentence, and instead, continue glaring pointedly."

"THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU YET!!!!!!" Niou shouted, randomly popping out of nowhere. "We perverts are slowly, but surely eating away at your homeschooled innocence!"

"I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. I'm not homeschooled."

"A minor technicality." The Trickster shrugged. "Anyway, are you having fun in drag…Gretel?"

If Niou didn't have the reflexes he had, he'd be on the floor, joining Saeki in the land of the unconscious. Thankfully, years of mischief making had given him more than just a reputation. The white-haired teen was able to duck out of the way of Kirihara's fist.

"No need to get touchy!" He exclaimed, putting his hands in the air. "…You can do that when Sengoku gets out here."

Poor, poor Niou. Years worth of mischief, and you'd think he'd of learned when people's breaking points were. Apparently, he still had much to learn.

"I leave you boys alone for five minutes, and most of you end up on the floor, unconscious. Is it too much to ask you guys to behave? Why can't you get along for more than a few seconds?"

"Aw, Yuki-sensei, I'm sure everyone is trying!" Sengoku appeared behind the older woman, shooting Kirihara a very suggestive look. "Why don't you just leave us alone, so we can spend some 'quality time' together, neh? You know us boys, all that testosterone. We need some type of release…"

Akaya paled. The look his senpai was giving him was not a good look. He didn't exactly know what kind of look it was, just that it was a Not Good Look. He looked up in prayer. _Please don't let Yuki-sensei say yes. I've been a good boy, Karma, I swear! I've given you countless complements and well, gah! Please don't let her say yes. Please don't let her say yes. Please don't let her say-_

"That's a great idea, Kiyosumi-kun! I'll just lock you and your fellow cast mates in this room for the next hour or so. Now, I'm gonna go and get high off of whatever free cookies they have in the Teachers Lounge. Have fun!"

_Crap._ The poor boy glared upwards. "I better get something good outta this…" he muttered, pouting.

"How about you lose something instead?" Sengoku sidled up to him, grinning.

"Huh?"

The redhead sighed. "It's no fun when the uke doesn't get my innuendo."

"I'm sorry?"

"No, nothing. Just forget it." Sengoku shook his head sadly.

SenKiriSenKiriSenKiri 

Kirihara buried his face in his hands. "I'm going to die!" he moaned. "…Or worse!"

Our poor protagonist was less than an hour away from stepping onstage. In front of a large group of people. Dressed in drag. Needless to say, his self-esteem and any resemblance of pride he had were in tatters. Pieces of glass that just didn't want to be put back together. Such a sad, sad fate.

"What's wrong, Akaya?" said boy's co-star bounced up. Sengoku Kiyosumi grinned easily, sliding an arm around him, and squeezing the teen in a half-hug. "Stage fright? Don't worry 'bout it, you look _very_ cute."

Kiri only groaned again. "My sister is out there! She's sitting in the audience! With a camera! A CAMERA!!!" he shrieked. "If she sees me like this, she'll never let me live it down!"

"Curtain goes up in three minutes. You guys might wanna get into your places now." Yagyuu Hiroshi, AKA Niou's stud muffin, muttered. The brunette served as stage manager for the play, a role he took quite seriously.

Sengoku gave his kohai one more hug, before gliding offstage. "Good luck." He murmured.

"Thanks." The raven-haired teen muttered, talking a deep breath. He was calm now. He knew what he needed to do.

Red curtains began their slow ascent, the music started to play. And in, stepped the royal couple.

_SenKiriSenKiriSenKiri_

A/N: I realize that I have reviewers who know where I live. CoughJillandSabrinacough. And they would have no problem telling my more scary reviewers. Coughanmahcough. But, you won't get the next chapter until a while. I'm swamped with projects right now. So, bear with me here. AND DON'T KILL ME IF YOU WANT THE NEXT CHAP! …Don't forget to review!


	6. The Play Begins

A/N: Yeah. That's all I have to say… That, and I'm totally going to die a painful death for this…

Disclaimer: No own. 'Tis sad.

Prince Charming resisted the urge to twitch as he led his partner on the dance floor. "Seiichi!" he hissed.

"Oh calm down, Gen." His wife, Princess Yukimura, danced with the graceful ease of a butterfly. "Usually people are happy to see their parents again."

"I am! I love Mother and Father. It's just that they can be a little…. Stressful. And with you expecting-"

"I'm FINE, dear. Syuusuke checked me over. I'm not due for another three months, at least."

"But, I don't want you overexerting yourself." The prince protested, gently guiding his love down to a seat.

Yukimura sighed. "Honestly…" he mumbled, shaking his head.

A virus had ravished the kingdom of TeniPuri long ago. Said virus affected only females, and by the time it stopped its rampage, there were none left. It was then when the gods stepped in. Fate rearranged the lives of many, granting them the power of childbirth. Those blessed with this ability where born at night, since the moon shined down upon her children, not burning them like the sun. This unique talent was passed down through time, and since the Charming's were a royal family that rolled with punches, they usually married men. It was a family tradition, passed down generation upon generation.

"Yukimura-san!" The Princess's sigh quickly turned into a laugh as Sanada's younger brothers ran up to greet him. Ryou 'Hansel' Charming, and Akaya 'Gretel' Charming were like the younger siblings he never had as a child.

"Ryou! Look how big you've gotten! And Akaya… What are you wearing?"

The curly head ducked down. "It's my sixteenth birthday today. Father wanted me to wear traditional clothes." He murmured, pouting.

"…I can see that." The other responded, eyeing Kirihara's dress. It was a dainty thing, made in hues of pink and blue. The iridescent garment was long and shimmered. "It's very beautiful."

Genchirou was not as kind. "You look like a girl."

Akaya squawked, and Ryou held him back. "Nii-san! Don't be mean to him, you were sixteen once too."

Their older brother opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by the king's voice.

"Ah, it looks like everyone is here. Ore-sama is very pleased." He snapped. "Kabaji."

A butler appeared. "Usu?"

"Go get the bags."

"Usu."

"What bags?" Ryou asked his father, eyes wide.

Keigo blinked. "Your mother didn't tell you?" His children just Looked at him. "Ah, right. Well, Ryou and Akaya, you're both of age now. It's time for the two of you to go out and seek your fortunes."

The queen made a small noise of agreement, head pillowed by his husbands lap. "Go and look around. Have fun, explore! When you've had enough come back. Just don't forget to write!"

_SenKiriSenKiriSenKiri_

"Look Ryou, why don't you just admit it?" Akaya leant against a random tree, watching his brother wander the woods.

"Admit what?" The longhaired teen was pacing back and forth, a contemplative look on his face.

"That we're lost you idiot."

"No we're not! We're just uh… resting. Yeah, resting."

His brother rolled his eyes. "Ryou Hansel Charming, you are a loser."

Suddenly the trees seemed to separate, and a house came into view. The two blinked. Suddenly, Ryou cursed. Loudly.

"Uh, you okay?" Akaya asked his brother, eyes wide.

"No, I'm not okay! Of all the crappy places we got lost, we got lost in Fairytale Forest! Did you ever wonder why our middle names are what they are?! It was incase we ever got lost in this hellhole! If you don't have fairytale name, you're doomed! We won't be able to get out of here if we never experience 'True Love'! We're screwed!!!!"

"…I'm sorry? Ryou are you-"

"Shush!" Said boy waved his arms frantically. "Don't call me that! I told you already, if we don't have fairytale names, we'll be stuck wandering here forever. So I'm Hansel, and you're Gretel."

"Okay then… Hansel…" Akaya blinked. "WAIT! Why am I stuck with the girl's name?"

Ryou- no, Hansel- smirked. "That's 'cause you can have babies."

"SO?! You can too…" Gretel pouted. "Whatever. Just… Go ask that guy how to get outta here." He pointed to a young man, dressed in black.

"Uh, excuse me?" Hansel walked up to the cloaked teen.

"Oh, you're excused." Said teen purred. "Tell me, did it hurt?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Did it hurt …when you fell from heaven?"

"… OH HELL NO!" Hansel turned around and stomped back over to Gretel, long hair swishing behind him. "I am NOT asking for directions from some creepy ass guy who wants in my pants!"

"Suck it up!" his brother replied, shoving him back. "You're older than me, you're supposed to be able to deal with things like this."

"Yeah, well no one ever taught me how to deal with these types of situations! Why don't you go ask?" Another shove.

"Because you obviously likes you better!" Gretel smirked. "And, watching you turn red is fun."

"WHAT?!" Hansel grabbed the closest thing at hand, and attempted to smash his brother's head in with it. Unfortunately, said object happened to be the cloaked teen, who was decidedly much too heavy for him to pick up.

"See? I knew you two would make a good couple! See how you're already holding hands?"

"DIE!!!!" Hansel shouted, diving for Gretel's neck.

The curtains closed, it was the end of Scene 1.

_SenKiriSenKiriSenKiri_

Sengoku clapped Akaya on the back. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

The impish boy grinned. "Yeah, it was actually kind of fun!"

"Told you so! Now, all we need to do is find Yagyuu…"

As if on cue, a freshman ran by. "Sengoku-senpai! Someone locked Yagyuu-senpai in the closet!"

"By any chance, is Niou-senpai missing too?" asked Kirihara.

The newbie gaped. "How did you know?!"

The redhead grinned. "He's learning as he goes! Right, leave Yagyuu in the closet for a little while longer, I'm sure someone will replace him soon enough. Five minutes people!!!" he called loudly. Then, giving his Akaya a good-luck hug, he was on his way.

_SenKiriSenKiriSenKiri_

A/N: Wow. That was written really quickly… Please, please, PLEASE review. Oh, and if you feel like helping me write the LONG line of SenKiri prompts for one-shots that will all hopefully be done by 7-13, drop me a line. I'm not going to be able to finish them all in time. Thanks for reading!


	7. Act II

A/N: I'm updating as fast as I can people, but if you could stop with the threats of mutilation, I'd spend less time locking my doors and windows, and more time writing…

Disclaimer: This will be the seventh time you read one of these, and I will say it again. I don't own PoT. And I probably never will.

"Alright, which one of you idiots locked Akaya in the dressing room?" Everyone blinked. Yuki-sensei sighed again and glared. "Our Gretel is locked in the dressing room. We've only got a few minutes to unlock it. Who has the damn key?!"

Sengoku gasped. "My Kiri-kun is locked up? Without me? WITH HIS INNOCENCE AND VIRTUE STILL INTACT?!"

Dead silence, and then Saeki spoke. "Well, I don't have the key, but I do have this hammer…" Nobody asked. Because it was Saeki, it was probably for the best.

Two minutes, lots of screams, and a healthy dose of mental scarring later, they were ready for Act II.

SenKiriSenKiriSenKiri 

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger…" Hansel chanted, shutting his eyes tightly, and hoping for the best. He opened his eyes, and glanced at his hand. "Oh crap." He muttered, peeling off another layer of clothing.

Now, you may be wondering how the Charming siblings and the teenage boy they met outside ended up playing strip poker together. In all fairness, nobody exactly understood it themselves. The cloaked teen was the "Witch" of the forest, also called Saeki. Unfortunately, he was a decidedly MALE witch, and didn't strike much fear in anyone's heart. (He was also not old enough to be a pedophile.)

Gretel, wanting to ease the situation between Saeki and Hansel, pulled out a deck of cards. He knew that his brother was a card master. In an attempt to be fair the Witch chose the game, and neither teen wanted to shatter their male pride. Stupid thing that boys have, really.

Hansel flushed. He could _feel_ The Witch undressing him with his eyes. It made him feel strange. At the castle, everyone looked at him, but like a prince, not a choice piece of meat. The way Saeki was looking at him made him think that he was going to be eaten. "Would you stop that?!" He snapped, finally annoyed by the other teen's ogling.

"Stop what?" The robed teen asked, face deceptively innocent.

The middle Charming child felt himself twitch. "If you don't stop staring at me with that perverted expression, I'll…I'll…"

Gretel didn't even look up from his cards. "You'll disembowel him slowly with a rusty spork, and then use his spine as a jump rope." (A/N: My best friend has actually threatened to do this to me, if I didn't talk to the guy who she thought was my "soul mate".)

"Right. That one."

Saeki pouted. "But, Hansel!" he gasped. "I thought you loved me!"

"OF COURSE I DON'T LOVE YOU, YOU SICK, PERVERTED, FREAK OF NATURE!"

Gretel peered up over his cards. He didn't even think people could turn that red… Ah well, things happened. Hopefully Hansel hadn't ruptured a blood vessel. "Guys, please. You're being-"

His brother turned on him, eyes venomous. "THIS DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU, BITCH!"

"O-okay then. I'm just going to go and take a walk, then, huh? Pleasedon'teatme." Hurrying out the door, Gretel breathed a sigh of relief. One near death experience was enough for the night. He was going to chill out FAR away from his volatile sibling. After making it a safe distance away, he began to wander. "Damn, I don't think I can go in there again if the sexual tension doesn't abate soon…"

(Somewhere in the audience, Akaya's sister let out a muffled giggle. This blackmail was _too_ good. And she had the feeling that it would only get better.)

Suddenly, a muted moan came from the general direction of the cottage. "Uh…guys?" Another moan, and the squeaking of bedsprings. "Guys?" A thud, and very loud curses. "…Did they just fall?" Too disturbed to find out whether or not what he thought was true, Gretel stayed where he was. "I'm just gonna sleep out here tonight, okay? NO NEED TO COME OUT AND CHECK ON ME!"

(A/N: Again, real life experience. School field trip. Boys on second floor, girls on first. My friend and I had heart attacks, and then squee-fests.)

Curling up by the base of a tree, the teen winced. "I'm going to be mentally scarred for the rest of my life. And who's going to pay for it? I'll tell you, no one! That's who. Because obviously, poor little Gretel was going to learn about this eventually, so what's a few years difference?"

"Uh, excuse me?"

Gretel continued on. "Life is so unfair like this. I mean, just because I'm the baby of the family, I get manhandled around! Sanada's lucky. He's married and far away from this hellhole. Of course, Yukimura-san has him completely whipped, but that doesn't really matter, does it? BECAUSE AT LEAST HE'S HAPPPY!!!"

"Excuse me?"

"And Hansel. GAH! He can be such a bitch. I never get any of the hot water in the shower, he's always there using gods knows how much conditioner to get his hair 'perfect' and no one ever tells him off! Do you know how much time it takes him in the shower? DO YOU KNOW?!"

"No?" The redhead stranger paled as Gretel glared him down. "But I'm sure it's an ungodly long time that is completely unfair to you." He added hurriedly.

The impish boy eyed him suspiciously. "Who are you anyway?"

"Who me? You can call me Kiyosumi."

"…And you're here because?"

"The Witch and I are good friends, and today's our drinking night. I just wanted to see if he's in."

"Oh, he's in alright." Gretel muttered darkly. "I wouldn't go inside if I were you, though."

"Why not?"

A whispered conversation later, punctuated by many exclamations on Kiyosumi's part, and both teens were very convinced about staying FAR away from the cottage.

"Guess that kinda ruins your night, huh?" The youngest Charming asked wryly, glancing at his new friend's bag o' alcoholic beverages.

"Oh no. Because now," Kiyosumi leaned in with a purr, "I can spend it with you…"

_SenKiriSenKiriSenKiri_

A/N: Well, that took a rather pathetic two months to write… And it's not even as long as the others. Sorry, please don't kill me! Anyway, happy belated SenKiri day everyone, I hoped it was an interesting celebration. Review!


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